


The Courage Of Letting Go

by Nyehhh



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I'm not even kidding this is gonna end when my situation ends, this is just my cathartic release please forgive me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyehhh/pseuds/Nyehhh
Summary: The story where Lexa falls for Clarke, but situations and circumstances prevent her from ever confessing, time and time again, until something changes and Lexa is thrown straight into a situation that her heart isn't ready for.Modern day AU. I swear, despite the title, it's gonna have a good ending, no deaths or whatever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have to apologise, this story is probably going to take a while to complete because I'm adapting my own situation in, but I'm a huge sucker for happy endings so this will probably have a happy ending regardless of how things go for me in real life. Like I mentioned in the tags, this is just my way of releasing whatever pent up feelings I can't express to my friends/family. 
> 
> Characters are probably OOC, and I apologise for that too.

"Come on, Lexa. What else have you got on Saturday? And Anya wants you to know that there are gonna be a lot of attractive single ladies there." Bellamy raised an eyebrow teasingly, a grin growing on his face. 

Lexa groaned. "You know I'm not looking for anyone right now. And they're most likely not even interested in girls." 

Bellamy shook his head triumphantly. "There's a girl named Clarke, she swings both ways and she's pretty wild, so you're wrong! Loosen up, Lex, let's go."

Lexa looked around her small apartment, and sighed. There was no way she was going to get out of this party, might as well have as much fun as she could. 

-

"Drink drink drink!"

Lexa smirked as she tipped the cup, swallowing the contents. This was her seventh drink of the night, and even though she could hold her liquor well, it was already causing a pleasant haze over Lexa's mind.

Octavia stumbled to her feet and raised her beer bottle. "It's time for Truth Or Dare! Get to the living room and sit in a circle!" 

Lexa stood up, noting that the blonde girl, Clarke, was also a little unstable on her feet. Making sure to sit close enough to her, but still leaving a person in between, Lexa stole glances over the rim of her cup as she sipped. 

Bellamy was right, Clarke was pretty, but all the stories of her wild escapades worried Lexa a little. She wasn't looking for a one night stand or a fling, Lexa wanted more than that. It might have been easier if Bellamy had stayed as a buffer since she only knew a few other people and was only close to Anya, but he had left to accompany a sick "friend". 

The bottle started spinning, and the game begun. The questions started out tame, but slowly got more risque as the dares amped up as well. Clarke got the short end of the stick a few times, always choosing truth, but after two consecutive truths, Raven had enough.

"No more truths Clarke, it's time for a dare!" Raven pointed her finger at Clarke, daring her to argue. 

Clarke giggled, half drunk. "Alright Raven, what's the dare?" 

Raven stroked her chin, pretending to be in deep thought. Lexa had a sinking feeling in her stomach, along with a growing suspicion of what Raven might dare Clarke to do. 

"Your dare... is to make out with someone here." 

Silence reigned for a second, before everybody exploded. 

Octavia wrapped her arms around Lincoln and screamed, "Nobody's kissing me or Lincoln!"

Anya looked at Raven but said nothing, choosing instead to glare at Clarke to remind her that if Clarke tried to kiss Raven, she would be as good as dead.

Jasper and Monty glanced at each other while whooping, hopeful that they would get to make out with a girl as gorgeous as Clarke. 

Lexa kept her eyes trained on the floor in front of her, unwilling to meet anybody's eyes. 

Clarke sighed and stood up. Lexa scooted forward, assuming she was going to walk to the guys and pick one of them. 

Dropping to her knees beside Lexa, Clarke cupped Lexa's face with one hand and pulled her closer. Lexa's eyes widened, before instinct took over and she kissed Clarke back. 

Feeling Clarke's tongue run over her lips, Lexa parted them and darted her own tongue out to meet Clarke's. Amidst the alcohol clouding her mind and the sensation of Clarke's lips against hers, Lexa could hear the hushed whispers from the rest of the people present. 

Pulling away from Clarke, Lexa turned away and chugged the mixture in her cup as Clarke strode back to her seat and threw back the whisky in her own cup. 

For the rest of the night, Lexa couldn't meet Clarke's eyes. 

-

"So how was it?" Bellamy blew a stream of cool air over the top of the steaming mug of coffee, raising it slowly to his lips as he peered at Lexa. 

Lexa tried to keep herself from smiling as she remembered the night. "We played Truth or Dare. She was a good kisser."

Bellamy groaned. "Is that really all you're gonna tell me?" 

"I think I'd like to get to know her better." 

"Aha, I win! Do you want her number? As long as she has a good impression of you, leave the rest to me and Raven. You better invite us to your wedding in four years time, though."

"Shut up, Bell. That's not going to happen." Lexa felt her cheeks starting to heat up, as she quickly gulped down her coffee. 

The smile disappeared off Bellamy's face as he set his cup down and stared intently at Lexa. 

"Lex, I'm going to tell you this from the start. I won't stop you trying to date Clarke for fun, but she's really wild. Don't get too emotionally attached because I don't want to see you broken hearted again." 

Lexa laughed, trying to play it cool. "I might not even have a chance with her in the first place. No big deal."

"Oh no, I'm sure you have a chance, I just... don't know how far you two can go." 

Bellamy shook his head and picked up the cup again, avoiding Lexa's curious gaze. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright, enough moping. I'm adding you to our food chat and I'm gonna ask the gang out for a meal." Anya fumbled in her bag for a few seconds before pulling out her phone.

"I'm not moping, Anya. But yes, let's go for dinner." Lexa couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice, grinning at the girl rolling her eyes.

_Lexa was added to the group chat_

_Anya: I added Lexa into the chat here._

_Bellamy: Hey! When are we meeting for dinner?_

_Anya: I should be free after this Saturday._

_Lexa: I'm good any time._

_Octavia: Something cheap please guys, I'm just a broke kid. I'll be bringing Lincoln along too!_

_Clarke: I'm free next week, come get Clarke while it lasts._

_Bellamy: Alright, let's do dinner next Friday then._

-

Closer to the date, Lexa was freaking out. "What do I wear? How should I act? Oh god Bell, why did I agree to this?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes, tapping away lazily at his phone. "Lex, it's not even a date. It's dinner with a bunch of friends. Dress nicely, and just chill with us."

Lexa and Bellamy made their way to the sushi restaurant downtown that they had agreed upon and Lexa could feel her anxiety rise with every passing minute.

Sitting across Clarke, she found herself unable to look her in the eyes and staying quiet most of the time as she observed Clarke laughing and joking with the others. There was just something about her that attracted Lexa against her will, and it was weird because Clarke didn't even fit into the mould of what Lexa thought was her type.

Slowly, Lexa calmed down enough to be able to laugh at Clarke's jokes and give her own input on topics that they were talking about. She still couldn't stop the slight smile that tugged the sides of her lips upwards whenever she glanced at Clarke.

-

A week on and Lexa was swamped with school work while wishing she could have a drink. She did have plenty of alcohol at home, but drinking alone when it was 5 in the afternoon wasn't particularly fun.

Driven by the frustration, she found herself typing out a message to Clarke.

_Lexa: Hey Clarke._

_Clarke: Sup?_

_Lexa: I know it's weird to suddenly ask you this, but are you free tonight?_

_Clarke: Hahah, it's not weird. Before 10pm or after? I'm still confirming plans with another friend for tonight._

_Lexa: Any time I guess. I wanted to go get a drink because I'm super overwhelmed with school now._

_Clarke: Knew it. That's alright, alcoholics stand together! If you can stay out late, I'm good to go._

_Incoming call from Clarke Griffin_

Lexa froze for a second, then answered it shakily. "Hello?"

"Yo, where were you planning on drinking at?" Clarke's husky voice sent a shiver down Lexa's spine.

"Um, how about this bar near your place? It's only gonna take me about 15 minutes to get there since we stay so close to each other."

"Cool, I'm sending a friend home, so I'll only be able to make it around 11 or so. I'll see you there then."

"Okay sure."

"Also, I have friends who want to play some poker and we need another player, do you wanna play after we drink?"

"Oh, uh, yeah I guess I could."

"Great, bye!"

Lexa hung up and looked at her phone in disbelief. She hadn't been expecting to spend an entire night with Clarke, but it was certainly a welcome surprise.

-

Lexa tapped her foot nervously, glancing around the bar. Clarke was due to arrive any moment, the girl had sent a text saying her phone was dying soon and that she would meet Lexa at the bar itself.

Without any way of communicating, Lexa found herself anxiously sipping at her drink, trying to find comfort in the slight burn at the back of her throat.

"Hey." Clarke slid into the seat opposite her as Lexa grinned, loosening up.

"Hello, Clarke. I'm sorry for the last minute invitation, I hope I wasn't too much trouble." Lexa waved a hand, calling a waiter over for Clarke's order.

She glanced at the menu and ordered a sweet sounding cocktail before turning back to Lexa with a smile.

"Nah, I'm always up for drinks. You okay though?"

And just like that, Clarke had wormed her way into Lexa's heart.

Two hours later, sufficiently inebriated and after having shifted to a nearby diner for food, Lexa couldn't stop herself from asking.

"So who was important enough for Clarke Griffin to send them home?"

Clarke huffed in amusement as she swallowed the piece of bacon she had been chewing. "It's just, this girl I might be interested in."

Lexa felt her stomach roll over as she forced a lazy smile onto her face. "Say no more, I get it."

"Her name's Niylah, I met her at a friend's party the other night, and I'm super into her, Lexa. It's kinda unbelievable."

"That's good Clarke, are you guys meeting soon?" Lexa thanked whoever was up in the heavens as Clarke started rambling on about her friends and how birthday parties are taking up all her time next month while she tried to keep her smile on.

"... Lexa?"

Lexa snapped out of her trance and looked at Clarke. "Sorry, I zoned out for a moment. What's up?"

"I was asking if you wanted to crash at my place? My friend cancelled poker night because we don't have enough players." Clarke looked at Lexa, her expression slightly apologetic.

"Crash at your place? Um, yeah I guess that's cool, if you're okay with it."

"I asked, didn't I?" Clarke chuckled. "Alright, let's pay and go. I'm pretty tired."

The two girls walked to Clarke's place, a little unsteady on their feet with plenty of loud laughter. Lying on separate ends of the bed, Lexa glanced at the sleeping Clarke as a sad smile played on her lips.

This might be the closest she would ever get to Clarke, but Lexa would take it.


End file.
